hello everybody... it has been some time since i have found a chance to update the blog, and i apologize. i am shy of time (and initiative) still, to fill everybody in, so i also apologize for this mediocre, unorganized, random, choppy post.

everything is coming back together once more. the pieces are beginning to fit.

i am getting married in may (wedding this summer, details tba), moving out of the house in june and moving into an apartment with daryle. she is moving to tulsa to attend tulsa university next year; i will more than likely be taking classes at tcc. i am ready for these changes, and thought scared like a little child, i welcome them warmly. i am ready to start the rest of my life, and there is no soul i would rather spend it with than hers. spare the comments on me making bad decisions, please. i have made my decisions, and am heeding them with full-force and no regret.

new nine inch nails album; year zero was released today. i also purchased the new hella album. other works i look forward to are two new frusciante releases, one of which is in may, new manson album out in june. new modest mouse album came out not too long ago, and i am thoroughly enjoying it. i have purchased tickets for the may 10th modest mouse show in grand prairie, texas and the may 12th show in mesa, arizona (the latter of which i will be attending with daryle). i also am the owner of two nice tickets to the 2-set roger water's concert in las vegas, nevada at the mgm grand, of which i am also attending with daryle. roger will be performing one set of classics, encore, and the entire set of dark side of the moon, and aother encore. excited? yes i am.

still working. still studying. still busy.

darren.---

"for the first time today, i feel it's really over.
you were my everyday excuse for playing deaf, dumb, and blind.
and who'd have ever thought this was how it would end for you and me.
to carry my own millstone out of the trees.
and i have to admit, i don't like it a bit, being left here beside this lonesome road.
lonesome road..."

i've tried, time and time again, just to lose more and more ground with every heartfelt attempt. the mistakes of my past are heavier than i could have ever imagined; my hands bruised, back broken. every time i near the light, my eyes are shrouded once more. all that i've left is time. waiting. hope. and all i can do is pray that the small amount of hope left is not false.

i've been blind for so long now, denying everything that has happened in this last month; for the first time, i feel that reality has shown it's ugly face, and i have now seen the truth in everything, and in things to come. i've never been so afraid;scared. to lose what you have been raised on, what had become a necessity in your life; to change everything that you have built your entire life around; your future. this is a fear i have never felt before, and i wish it well be gone.

i will not give this up. i will forever be here, untainted.
i promise.

with this snowstorm came damages that cannot be undone.
as it takes its leave, i begin this new era of my life.

anew.
darren.---

so, i have a new cell phone/number/provider now. my old cell number is thoroughly trash, and completely useless. so, if you'd like to be able to contact me, i'd suggest that you reply to this blog, or request my new number, and i'll send it to you.